Democracy Going On Tribal

Executive, Legislative and Judiciary - the three branches of a democratic govenment. All a separate body but work as one to run a peaceful government. But despite this setup unrest in the government and corruption issues still occur often. The executive and judiciary branches will forever bat heads for in a democracy we have a right to question another's choice, belief and point of view.

You all know where I'm coming from or why I write this. The Philippine government is at a squabble. Men bicker at the top of the ladder. I pick no side, I defend no one. For all I see are grown men acting like children playing generals with their toy soldiers.

There is a reason why the supreme court justices are appointed not elected. The sad fact is people do not know who are qualified. Unlike the legislative branch where tv personalities and pr persons without prior knowledge of lawmaking can seat comfortably, the judicial seats need to be occupied by top ranking, experienced and impartial lawyers. I challenge all who deny these to name a few people worthy of the judicial seats.

Knowing this we cannot discredit a justice's judgement just because it favors the one who appointed him. I'm not saying Corona is innocent. No one is. What I'm saying is we cannot act like the red queen and yell Off with his head! just because we had a disagreement. We cannot elect people for the judicial seats. Please do not change that part of the constitution. I wouldn't want Erap as my Chief Justice! What's he going to do? Smile and blink? And yes, I do not agree with Corona's hasty impeachment. Any lawmaker who signs without reading is no lawmaker at all. They betrayed the public's trust by being ignorant. Ignorance is servitude - Jose Rizal's own words. No wonder we can't rise, we have men acting smart governing us. Was a gun held to their heads for them to sign? What kind of persuasion was used? I was around Erap's impeachment. I saw the trial go on. Chief Justice or President no impeachment happens overnight! We claim to be civilized for we are ruled by laws we wrote but all we did was tear it apart, spit on it and used it to wipe away the blood stains.

Civil wars were started like this. Let us not forget that. Wars are started by childish men playing god just because they didn't get what they want.

Only Corona and the justices know what goes on in their heads. They know what they did and why they did it. I cannot judge them with the actual facts, for all we have are circumstancial evidences. If they broke the law and the public's trust it is their burden to carry forever. But let it be known to them that the people will not stand for a partial government.

As for the president, I wanted you sir to grow a spine not dawn an armour! We do not call our allies and tell them to act on our accord just because you think you're right. Governing is not about popularity nor is it about getting even. To govern is to serve the people. Service beyond recognition - Duty, honor and selflessness.

My generation is young. We are yet to experience a stable government and we look forward to it. But this time you failed us. Do not make us lose enthusiasm. Do not cause us to blame ourselves and each other for placing our trust in all of you. Oh please do grow up.

Shortcomings of Stone

Your decisions will make you or break you, so as they say. For me, you must believe in every decision you make, believe that it is the right and only option, only then can you keep yourself at peace and sane.

To my acquaintances I am strong willed, dependable, driven, fearless, knowledgeable beyond my years and highly opinionated. To them I am the unpenetrable fort - stone.

Yet beyond the cement walls I'm not as tough as I look. I am weak. I act on my emotions. I cry and throw fits. I am female and I am young. No matter how hard I try to hide, these are the facts.

I am no stone. I will keep throwing my punches as hard, accurate and precise as I can but in the end of the day I am still human. I cannot do everything, nor do I know everything. Talking to me, you may get the notion that I have all the answers but I don't.

Stone has a breaking point. Submit something to so much and it will shatter. I reached that point, I will not deny that. I haven't been there for more than a year and as much as most of you are, no one's more dissapointed in me than I am.

I apologize for my actions and I hope you can forgive my immaturity. I may be young but I am grown enough to own up to my mistakes. But I will not apologize for my decisions. The path I take is my choice. The decision is mine and mine to take. I've made up my mind.

It was not an easy choice. You may not see me shed a tear but behind the walls I bleed.  If I could have it all, if I could do it all you know I would. 

I will always remember and I will forever be grateful. I am more than willing to keep the bonds of friendship. You are and will continue to be my mentors. And I strive to keep my mentors proud. 

This is my path. These are my shortcomings. This is me wishing I didn't let anyone down. 

Short Lived (Saving and Celebrating Life)

My birthday's coming up. I'm not going to tell you when nor will I tell you where or how I will celebrate. I will tell you though how I feel having lived another year.

The readers and followers of this blog probably know by now some of my history. My life may not be an open book but I leave pieces of the puzzle out in the open for people to figure me out. Now that I'm turning 22, I can hardly believe it. As a child I never saw myself as an adult. All I knew was I would get a job. I didn't really look that far into the future; probably because I never expected to reach this age. 

I'm actually enjoying my life now. I do what I can do, more often far more than what I'm supposed to. But it's the thrills and pressures in life that makes it worth living, I know that now. I know that even though at times we feel so alone and unwanted, there still are some who care and need you. You are not the only one who feels "down", there are millions more, look beyond your own scenario, I used to be one of them.

What's bothering me now is the rising numbers of suicides in the country and how younger and younger they get. I can recall seeing news of professionals and young adults killing themselves twelve years ago. Now we hear of 4th graders hanging themselves, 13 year olds killing lovers and shooting themselves, elementary valedictorians "off-ing" themselves. I can't help but think I could have done something, but I don't know them, I never got the chance to.

Someone approached me in the past, she knew my story and said she had a friend going through what I went through. She asked me what she can do to help. I'm going to tell you what I told her. For there are people you know who need you, even if they say you can't help. 

JUST BE THERE! That's all you can do. Show them you care, show them their important to you. Make them feel that you would be there rain or shine, WILLINGLY. The thing is you can't really make an actual move unless the person asks for your help, until he holds out his hand to be pulled out of the darkness. Before that happens all you can do is wait and be on the watch. Honestly, if you are sincere and show good intentions toward the person, you will get through.I was in "the dark ages" for 14 years and people still got through to me. JUST DON'T GIVE UP. Depressed people have tough layers. It took years to peel mine and I still have a few layers on.

There wouldn't be any young suicides if parents were there. If families are there to support. Leaving your children to fight the world without a guide is setting them up. SOMEONE HAS TO BE THERE FOR THEM - to talk to or to be with. People will constantly look for joy and affection and if it's not at home trust me they will move out to the world where there are predators and influences that will most definitely corrupt them.

Please do what you can do. Right now all I can do is write and make my voice heard. I'm not a materialistic person and all I want is to get through. If I would be given one present on my birthday I would ask the world to spare the children.

A Life in Film

In high school I was known as the TV and Movie Buff because of all the films I can recall. I grew up in front of the television. I was a walking talking TV Guide. Studies show we shouldn't allow young children to watch tv because it lowers their IQ, I'm not about to challenge years of reseach but I am sure the things I learned 50% were from the media the remaining 50% from books. And people will agree that my IQ is not low. It's because when I was five I discovered something while I was watching other children play tag. Everything we do enhances something within us. It is up to you whether you learn to swim or sink. That's why every good film I watch gets absorbed and imprinted. I want to share to you my principles and philosophies; these are the films that made me and explain why I am this way. I hope you watch these films and start seeing how the lives of men can and will affect yours.

These films are in chronological order as to when I saw them. Most of them are real life stories. In bold are the tiltles and year of release. In itallics are the lessons and knowledge I acquired.

• Schindler's List(1993) You can save a man, an entire race even, all you have to do is decide and defy boundaries.
• Schindler could have chosen to live on the safe (and prosperous) side. But he couldn't bear seeing tons of people being sent to their death just because of their race. This was a man who saw what he needed to do and just did it.
• I was roughly 6 years old when I saw this film. I already knew that Hitler started WWII and he killed millions. What surprised me was the hatred he had for Jews. It was Schindler's List that made me interested in Hitler and what made him heartless.
• Braveheart (1995)  The oppressed exist because they let themselves be passive.
• This is a widely talked about film but all the public saw was another love story. What we often fail to see is the historical background of films. How oppressed Scotland was and how power by then was as unimaginable as royalties were allowed to pass pointless laws.  I saw this film in 1997 and I learned that kings and queens in real life were nowhere near the ones in fairytales. They were crazy, gluttonous and selfish men playing god.
• Empire of the Sun (1987) War does not choose who to attack, not even children are safe.
• Everyone will do anything for a potato. Even I at 8 already knew that. Empire of the Sun is the second world war shown in the eyes of a boy - how he felt abandoned, how he found friendship in the enemy, how he admired those who incarcerated him. Luckily at times like they adjust to the climate better than adults.
• Amistad (1997) A man's worth does not depend on the color of his skin nor the weight he can carry.
• At 9 I knew about the plight of the black people very well. I know that they were slaves and sold as property. I also was aware that the term 'Nigger' should never be used. What I didn't know was that there were rules to acquiring slaves. That they were considered lower than wheat that when a ship needs to lose weight they can be thrown overboard. Many people do not know the extent of suffering the black race went through. I do. It was clear to me as black and white.
• The Patriot (2000) There are things we wish we could hide from the next generation but if we leave them this world it is better for them to know how brutal men can be.
• A father will always strive to protect his family but children will end up doing what they want otherwise. At 11 years old I would do what I want and learn what I desired to learn. In The Patriot I couldn't help but think if the father told his sons that fighting in wars is not as glorious as the recruiters say he wouldn't have lost a son. Wars can make us do unimaginable things.
• Men of Honor(2000) It is everyone's right to be the best they can be. Going after your dream even if everyone says you can't will make the path rugged but the end sweeter.
• He was recruited in the navy to cook for white men. Men of Honor is another take on the hardships black men had to go through to get to their dreams. I was 11 and 'Cookie' made me realize I can do anything I set my eyes on.
• Pay It Forward (2000) It doesn't have to be big, a single act can change the world.
• I was only 12 (2001) when I watched this on a cable tv channel, about the same age as the movie's hero. The storyline hit me so hard I decided then and there to start my own homework. I wouldn't want to be one of those who just pass by Earth. I want to make a change before I leave. If a boy my age can I can as well.
• I am Sam (2001) Love cannot be measured by the power and capacity of the mind but by the fight you give to keep it.
• A father with the mental capacity of a 7 year old fighting to keep his 7 year old daughter with him. I was only 12 but even then I knew that a mentally handicapped father is better than an absentee father.
• We were soldiers(2002) Only in a war do we see casualties being rejoiced upon. It is when we congratulate a man for killing people.
• The Vietnam war is another controversial war in which the Americans decided to fight in. We know right from wrong, that killing a man regardless of what he's done is wrong. But in a war lines are blurred. Soldiers are taught to kill as much as they can. They couldn't even weep for the lost. They seek out revenge.
• I was 13 and this was my first formal introduction to the Vietnam war and it's controversial killings.
• Mona Lisa Smile (2003) Women were not meant to be in the shadows of men. We were meant to be leaders as well.
• Even in the 21st century people say women cannot equal men and will only marry. I was 13 when I saw Mona Lisa Smile and I could recall a time when a relative told my mother that having 3 girls is not good luck since we would just get married. I am meant to lead. I do not need a man to be successful. I can carry my father's name as good as any man can.
• Tears of the Sun (2003) Good men are not those who follow orders and do what they are expected of. They are the ones who go beyond expectations, doing what they know and believe is right at the face of challenges.
• They were tasked to rescue a doctor but they couldn't leave the entire village unprotected. These men chose to risk their lives for what they knew was right. I was 14 and I saw the good in not following orders all the time.
• Homeless to Harvard (2003) Go beyond what you were born into. Desire to rise from your current status. Money does not define intelligence. 
• Homeless to Harvard is the life story of a girl born to drug addicted parents (ones she had to take care of). She read an entire set of encyclopedias, except from one letter since their neighbor got it from the trash. She fought her way through ridicules in elementary and finished high school in 2 years. She went on to graduate from Harvard. I was 14 at the time I saw this, about to graduate from high school. This film encouraged me to take a course opposite the direction my relatives wanted. I knew I could do it even without much support because my odds werer better than hers and even she succeeded.
• Iron Jawed Angels (2004) Women are not property. We are, if not equal, more than our male counterparts for we had to fight hard to achieve what men get for free.
• I've always been a "whatever a man can do I can do" kind of girl. At 15 I was unsure of voting because voting meant chosing the lesser evil. Seeing this film made me embrace womanhood and my right to vote. Never will I miss a vote knowing what women around the world had to endure just to have a right that only men had.
• Coach Carter (2005) Student Athletes are students first and foremost. We play to get free education not the other way around. We can do more than we can concieve.
• I was in the University Varsity as early as 14, I was the youngest and competed against college students even when I was still a high school senior. Seeing this film at 16, and by then I was the team captain, I realized what most student athletes fail to see. The varsity was created to give athletic students a chance to good education and now most student athletes just throw it away. Academics must be prioritized, not medals. Afterall it is a university.
• The Triumph/The Ron Clark Story (2006) Set the bar high, believe and you can make it.
• This film made me embrace teaching as a part of life. We need to believe in our youth not pressure them. There's a big difference. In a time where teachers teach for the money, students fall through the cracks. Children need a support system.
• Freedom Writers (2007) Freedom is a right but you have to choose to take it for yourself.
• We cannot avoid being branded at birth. Some of us are born in Alabang while others in Tondo. You know what I mean. It was 2008 when I saw this film and I was touched by the teacher's dedication to her students. She deeply desired to free them from the brands society gave them. But the students must first want it for themselves.
• The Blind Side (2009) A family is not defined by blood and the genes they share but by the realtionship between them. We will do everything to protect family.
• When I saw the trailer I knew I had to watch this. A well off Southern white family (most southeners discriminate against blacks) chose to take in a black boy. They didn't know anything about him all they knew was he needed a family and that was enough to take him in as a member of the family. It's one thing to adopt a baby from another country, it's another thing to adopt a high school student. There is greatness in people and this is one of them.

I hope you watch all these films :).

Crowd Surfing

Freedom is the capacity to exercise choice. To be able to live with your choice you have to believe it is the right one, there is no other viable option. To choose to go against the flow, to decide to take control and live by your own expectations can be the heaviest choice we make. Some do not even consider this an alternative. They let the waves carry them, never getting a chance to make their own marks on the sand – crowd surfing.

Peer pressure doesn’t just come from people of the same age. Pressure comes from everywhere but the heaviest of them all is the kind that comes from the ones you love. May I remind you that a child should be loved regardless of what they do, it doesn’t matter if he/she deserves it or not.  Parents only want to see their child succeed, survive the jungle of life. And all we children ever try to do is please our parents, make them proud of us. It’s a cycle, I know.

I’m not ashamed to say I was depressed as a child up until my late teens. As early as 5 I was suicidal because the crowd rejected me and pressured me to belong. When I was 9 I had enough of people bringing me down with their words of mockery and expectations. I decided to do things differently, to do it for myself not for anyone else – strive and do well in everything I do just to show them I can despite the odds. By then no one can tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s a brave move for young adults and teenagers but very dangerous for a child. But in a world that demands too much it is inevitable.

And now in my decision to lose the extra pounds the crowd is near. The crowd will always have their opinion. They’ve called me incontrollable, gluttonous and many more. Many said I wouldn’t make it but when I started losing some of the fat the crowd demanded more.

There is a reason why bulimia and anorexia were never heard of 100 years ago. That was when people died simply of disease or starvation due to the lack of food supply. Now people just drop dead because of the dumb decisions they make like simply not eating.

I do not need to explain why the suicide rate is booming and why suicidal people get younger and younger. Depression has a cause, it does not choose a gender nor does it choose an age. And unless the crowd stops demanding we will start losing 5 year olds to them.

I wish our youth would just stop and realize what I did – that I no longer have to kill myself in the process of pleasing the crowd. I refuse to give them the strings of my existence. I wish families would be there to build not to crumble. We are not supposed to burden but help, cheer in moments of triumph or even failure.

I write not to brag or to vent. I refuse to turn a blind eye towards our barbaric ways. I will not stand and watch as a child is reared and then trampled. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are not for who you can turn them into. If we end up a Prozac nation we wouldn’t be a nation, we would all just be dead.

White Flag

I've never been stressed of the workload. It is not tasks that drain my energy. I find myself (once again) pitting against giants. I am the underdog.

If only I could yell. Scream as loud as I can just to let it out. Trust me, deep inside I'm screaming...screeching.

I'm tired of fighting...Fighting for something that should be mine. Piece by piece it was taken. Ripped from me. I feel brutalized and beaten.

Now I am weary. I no longer desire to be at the top of my game. It's pointless since it wouldn't amount to anything anymore. I would rather do nothing and get penalized than give everything I've got and be trampled. This is my white flag. I will not fight a battle I cannot win.