Q&A

Christmas and New Year countdowns, anticipation for an upcoming birthday, fleeting moments till a loved one comes home and our own anxieties to come home. These are how we look forward to things and events, counting down the days of waiting. Looking forward but not too far off.

A friend asked me once the question of existence. You know the one. This was how she put it (in English translation):

"We were born, graduate from elementary, graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a job, have a family and die. Why were we created then if in the end we just die and go back?"

She was a year older than me (all of my classmates were) and we were around 9 or 10 years old. We weren't even having a discussion, she just broke the silence and popped this question. I was surprised to find out that someone was asking and bewildered by the same question that was bugging (and quite torturing) me for years. Adults say Ah! The carefree days of childhood! but there we were, 2 girls just hanging by the 2nd floor of our school building waiting to be picked up, weighed down by our purpose and what we should look forward to.

We live in the technology era where mp3's are actually old news, tablets sprout from apple trees and everything can no longer be done with the push of a button but with a touch of a screen. We are the work force. We spend around 12 hours a day getting ready and going to work. We earn, spend more and so we work more. We drive fast, push harder and rant more often. But do we dare look back? Do we have the audacity to ask ourselves what have I achieved from this? What do I leave behind? What lies ahead? What do I live for? Will I run around like a headless chicken in a mock with no idea which way is up? 

I have my own countdown and as the number of days turn to single digits I look back. I ponder on the things I achieved, imparted, leave behind and what awaits me at 0. And as I was deep in thought I recalled my friend, her question and my answer. Yes, I actually gave her an answer. Though I was pleased to discover that someone around my age was possibly bothered with the same things I were (I actually thought I'm not that different or weird after all) I couldn't let her sink with the question and live tortured by it for years. This is what I told her:

"For us to experience life. To actually live and love. To learn from every experience and better ourselves. To leave knowing we did good and give those we leave behind something of importance. To raise a better generation. To make a change."

Back then I was a dark cloud. An answer like this coming from me would have been surprising since it's so optimistic. But I was nobody else's dark cloud. I hovered on me alone. And I told myself for years that I said what I had to say to ease my friend's burden. It didn't. She stood there flabbergasted at my response, amazed that I actually had an answer. (It didn't have to be the right one. Having an answer made me the weird kid again.)

Fast forward to more than 12 years, here I am. Living by what my answer was. And as I leave this engagement, as I ponder, I know I did good. I grew.

I desire not for you to live by my answer. I believe you need to have your own answer to the question of your existence and purpose, just like my friend who, although I tried, was not comforted by my answer. So, I leave you with nothing but the question. I hope you find your answer, start to really live and look forward to something bigger.