A Life in Film

In high school I was known as the TV and Movie Buff because of all the films I can recall. I grew up in front of the television. I was a walking talking TV Guide. Studies show we shouldn't allow young children to watch tv because it lowers their IQ, I'm not about to challenge years of reseach but I am sure the things I learned 50% were from the media the remaining 50% from books. And people will agree that my IQ is not low. It's because when I was five I discovered something while I was watching other children play tag. Everything we do enhances something within us. It is up to you whether you learn to swim or sink. That's why every good film I watch gets absorbed and imprinted. I want to share to you my principles and philosophies; these are the films that made me and explain why I am this way. I hope you watch these films and start seeing how the lives of men can and will affect yours.

These films are in chronological order as to when I saw them. Most of them are real life stories. In bold are the tiltles and year of release. In itallics are the lessons and knowledge I acquired.

• Schindler's List(1993) You can save a man, an entire race even, all you have to do is decide and defy boundaries.
• Schindler could have chosen to live on the safe (and prosperous) side. But he couldn't bear seeing tons of people being sent to their death just because of their race. This was a man who saw what he needed to do and just did it.
• I was roughly 6 years old when I saw this film. I already knew that Hitler started WWII and he killed millions. What surprised me was the hatred he had for Jews. It was Schindler's List that made me interested in Hitler and what made him heartless.
• Braveheart (1995)  The oppressed exist because they let themselves be passive.
• This is a widely talked about film but all the public saw was another love story. What we often fail to see is the historical background of films. How oppressed Scotland was and how power by then was as unimaginable as royalties were allowed to pass pointless laws.  I saw this film in 1997 and I learned that kings and queens in real life were nowhere near the ones in fairytales. They were crazy, gluttonous and selfish men playing god.
• Empire of the Sun (1987) War does not choose who to attack, not even children are safe.
• Everyone will do anything for a potato. Even I at 8 already knew that. Empire of the Sun is the second world war shown in the eyes of a boy - how he felt abandoned, how he found friendship in the enemy, how he admired those who incarcerated him. Luckily at times like they adjust to the climate better than adults.
• Amistad (1997) A man's worth does not depend on the color of his skin nor the weight he can carry.
• At 9 I knew about the plight of the black people very well. I know that they were slaves and sold as property. I also was aware that the term 'Nigger' should never be used. What I didn't know was that there were rules to acquiring slaves. That they were considered lower than wheat that when a ship needs to lose weight they can be thrown overboard. Many people do not know the extent of suffering the black race went through. I do. It was clear to me as black and white.
• The Patriot (2000) There are things we wish we could hide from the next generation but if we leave them this world it is better for them to know how brutal men can be.
• A father will always strive to protect his family but children will end up doing what they want otherwise. At 11 years old I would do what I want and learn what I desired to learn. In The Patriot I couldn't help but think if the father told his sons that fighting in wars is not as glorious as the recruiters say he wouldn't have lost a son. Wars can make us do unimaginable things.
• Men of Honor(2000) It is everyone's right to be the best they can be. Going after your dream even if everyone says you can't will make the path rugged but the end sweeter.
• He was recruited in the navy to cook for white men. Men of Honor is another take on the hardships black men had to go through to get to their dreams. I was 11 and 'Cookie' made me realize I can do anything I set my eyes on.
• Pay It Forward (2000) It doesn't have to be big, a single act can change the world.
• I was only 12 (2001) when I watched this on a cable tv channel, about the same age as the movie's hero. The storyline hit me so hard I decided then and there to start my own homework. I wouldn't want to be one of those who just pass by Earth. I want to make a change before I leave. If a boy my age can I can as well.
• I am Sam (2001) Love cannot be measured by the power and capacity of the mind but by the fight you give to keep it.
• A father with the mental capacity of a 7 year old fighting to keep his 7 year old daughter with him. I was only 12 but even then I knew that a mentally handicapped father is better than an absentee father.
• We were soldiers(2002) Only in a war do we see casualties being rejoiced upon. It is when we congratulate a man for killing people.
• The Vietnam war is another controversial war in which the Americans decided to fight in. We know right from wrong, that killing a man regardless of what he's done is wrong. But in a war lines are blurred. Soldiers are taught to kill as much as they can. They couldn't even weep for the lost. They seek out revenge.
• I was 13 and this was my first formal introduction to the Vietnam war and it's controversial killings.
• Mona Lisa Smile (2003) Women were not meant to be in the shadows of men. We were meant to be leaders as well.
• Even in the 21st century people say women cannot equal men and will only marry. I was 13 when I saw Mona Lisa Smile and I could recall a time when a relative told my mother that having 3 girls is not good luck since we would just get married. I am meant to lead. I do not need a man to be successful. I can carry my father's name as good as any man can.
• Tears of the Sun (2003) Good men are not those who follow orders and do what they are expected of. They are the ones who go beyond expectations, doing what they know and believe is right at the face of challenges.
• They were tasked to rescue a doctor but they couldn't leave the entire village unprotected. These men chose to risk their lives for what they knew was right. I was 14 and I saw the good in not following orders all the time.
• Homeless to Harvard (2003) Go beyond what you were born into. Desire to rise from your current status. Money does not define intelligence. 
• Homeless to Harvard is the life story of a girl born to drug addicted parents (ones she had to take care of). She read an entire set of encyclopedias, except from one letter since their neighbor got it from the trash. She fought her way through ridicules in elementary and finished high school in 2 years. She went on to graduate from Harvard. I was 14 at the time I saw this, about to graduate from high school. This film encouraged me to take a course opposite the direction my relatives wanted. I knew I could do it even without much support because my odds werer better than hers and even she succeeded.
• Iron Jawed Angels (2004) Women are not property. We are, if not equal, more than our male counterparts for we had to fight hard to achieve what men get for free.
• I've always been a "whatever a man can do I can do" kind of girl. At 15 I was unsure of voting because voting meant chosing the lesser evil. Seeing this film made me embrace womanhood and my right to vote. Never will I miss a vote knowing what women around the world had to endure just to have a right that only men had.
• Coach Carter (2005) Student Athletes are students first and foremost. We play to get free education not the other way around. We can do more than we can concieve.
• I was in the University Varsity as early as 14, I was the youngest and competed against college students even when I was still a high school senior. Seeing this film at 16, and by then I was the team captain, I realized what most student athletes fail to see. The varsity was created to give athletic students a chance to good education and now most student athletes just throw it away. Academics must be prioritized, not medals. Afterall it is a university.
• The Triumph/The Ron Clark Story (2006) Set the bar high, believe and you can make it.
• This film made me embrace teaching as a part of life. We need to believe in our youth not pressure them. There's a big difference. In a time where teachers teach for the money, students fall through the cracks. Children need a support system.
• Freedom Writers (2007) Freedom is a right but you have to choose to take it for yourself.
• We cannot avoid being branded at birth. Some of us are born in Alabang while others in Tondo. You know what I mean. It was 2008 when I saw this film and I was touched by the teacher's dedication to her students. She deeply desired to free them from the brands society gave them. But the students must first want it for themselves.
• The Blind Side (2009) A family is not defined by blood and the genes they share but by the realtionship between them. We will do everything to protect family.
• When I saw the trailer I knew I had to watch this. A well off Southern white family (most southeners discriminate against blacks) chose to take in a black boy. They didn't know anything about him all they knew was he needed a family and that was enough to take him in as a member of the family. It's one thing to adopt a baby from another country, it's another thing to adopt a high school student. There is greatness in people and this is one of them.

I hope you watch all these films :).

Crowd Surfing

Freedom is the capacity to exercise choice. To be able to live with your choice you have to believe it is the right one, there is no other viable option. To choose to go against the flow, to decide to take control and live by your own expectations can be the heaviest choice we make. Some do not even consider this an alternative. They let the waves carry them, never getting a chance to make their own marks on the sand – crowd surfing.

Peer pressure doesn’t just come from people of the same age. Pressure comes from everywhere but the heaviest of them all is the kind that comes from the ones you love. May I remind you that a child should be loved regardless of what they do, it doesn’t matter if he/she deserves it or not.  Parents only want to see their child succeed, survive the jungle of life. And all we children ever try to do is please our parents, make them proud of us. It’s a cycle, I know.

I’m not ashamed to say I was depressed as a child up until my late teens. As early as 5 I was suicidal because the crowd rejected me and pressured me to belong. When I was 9 I had enough of people bringing me down with their words of mockery and expectations. I decided to do things differently, to do it for myself not for anyone else – strive and do well in everything I do just to show them I can despite the odds. By then no one can tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s a brave move for young adults and teenagers but very dangerous for a child. But in a world that demands too much it is inevitable.

And now in my decision to lose the extra pounds the crowd is near. The crowd will always have their opinion. They’ve called me incontrollable, gluttonous and many more. Many said I wouldn’t make it but when I started losing some of the fat the crowd demanded more.

There is a reason why bulimia and anorexia were never heard of 100 years ago. That was when people died simply of disease or starvation due to the lack of food supply. Now people just drop dead because of the dumb decisions they make like simply not eating.

I do not need to explain why the suicide rate is booming and why suicidal people get younger and younger. Depression has a cause, it does not choose a gender nor does it choose an age. And unless the crowd stops demanding we will start losing 5 year olds to them.

I wish our youth would just stop and realize what I did – that I no longer have to kill myself in the process of pleasing the crowd. I refuse to give them the strings of my existence. I wish families would be there to build not to crumble. We are not supposed to burden but help, cheer in moments of triumph or even failure.

I write not to brag or to vent. I refuse to turn a blind eye towards our barbaric ways. I will not stand and watch as a child is reared and then trampled. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are not for who you can turn them into. If we end up a Prozac nation we wouldn’t be a nation, we would all just be dead.

White Flag

I've never been stressed of the workload. It is not tasks that drain my energy. I find myself (once again) pitting against giants. I am the underdog.

If only I could yell. Scream as loud as I can just to let it out. Trust me, deep inside I'm screaming...screeching.

I'm tired of fighting...Fighting for something that should be mine. Piece by piece it was taken. Ripped from me. I feel brutalized and beaten.

Now I am weary. I no longer desire to be at the top of my game. It's pointless since it wouldn't amount to anything anymore. I would rather do nothing and get penalized than give everything I've got and be trampled. This is my white flag. I will not fight a battle I cannot win.

It's just a Race!

If the color of your skin and your nationality was up to you what would it be?

We live in a white man's world, a white man's nation at most. One in which we kill ourselves to have lighter skin or become citizens of their nation. One in which we sell our every distinction as a Filipino to belong with their crowd. We are Americanized!

A white american passes by you in a store, what is your initial reaction? You work in a bank and a British national wants to open an account, how do you greet him? You dine in a restaurant with your family and in the next table dines an Arab family, would you request a different table? What if they were Jews? Blacks?

Bigotry is a word people! Look it up!

It's the 21st century. Gone are the days of slave laborers, holocaust and the likes. The highlight of our week is no longer "the time I spent giving directions to a foreigner." But racism, bigotry and prejudice still live in us. Sadly, we are prejudicial against our own.

We put foreigners above ourselves. We wait on their hands and feet even if its not our job. Come on, admit it! You are more pleasant when speaking to the white race than to your fellow Filipino. I myself am guilty of this. And the truth is they milk it. They enjoy being pampered and getting away with whatever they want here. They treat us like trash and we say Thank You for it. How low can you go??!!!

It's just a race and I don't owe them anything that matters. So do you. We are a greater people than them. We went through more than they can imagine. We are a stronger nation once we realize it.

And what of Arabs and Muslims? I read a post once, this from a pastor:
     "Not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are Muslims."
The uncritical minds agree to this, it's ok but read it again then think.

The above post is an example of prejudicial thinking. The UNABOMBER (terrorist bomber by mail  )identified as Theodore John "Ted" Kaczynski  was neither a Muslim or Arab. That's one example. Besides terrorists like the Al Kaeda preach a different Muslim. If it is in their religion, wouldn't all Muslems be therefore terrorists? Terrorists CLAIM to be Muslims but they are a minority sect and that is all they are. For a religion is uniformity.

We judge and rob others of the treatment they deserve - impartiallity. You were not taught better, but you must act better. It's just a race people! The color of my skin or my religion will not tell you who I am. (By the way I'm not a Muslim. =P )

Health, Contraceptives and Faith - A Look Into the RH Bill Chaos

We are out of control. 

Bishops threatening to commit crimes. Lawmakers fighting in public and losing the people's respect. This is us now. This is what the controversial RH Bill has done to as. We are a nation divided; out of control and divided by faith, beliefs and the will to live long and be prosperous.

The RH Bill was dead and now resurrected. A bill I have heard of years before this chaos started. A bill that once passed will be an immediate solution to the population outburst. Why then should it be a cause for our divide? Answer: Lack of dissemination of information. I honestly believe that if the people were given facts (as in the entire content of the bill) instead of just reading about its hidden agendas in the web we would have less drama.

The most powerful critics of this bill are the Catholic Church leaders. (I respect their beliefs, honor their suggestions but they are now the ones looking like villains.) The very ones who lead most of Filipinos in their everyday lives and also the ones who threaten not to pay taxes if ever the bill passes. Very Leaderly I must say. THERE IS SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. The Church cannot or will not dictate laws. No one is above it and threatening to disobey appointed leaders (yes your authority figures, ones of which the Bible says obey) is very childish and evil. Men were given (by God) the freedom of choice who then are you to go above that to the extent of excommunicating a man for his choice and belief? I suggest CBCP to read your Bible, Jesus never turned anyone away. Please do as you preach. You are acting like the childish friars in Rizal's days.

Probably what the people fear of this law is its ability to rob the youth of their innocence (other than the fear of killing the youth). But are the youth innocent? I cannot speak in general but for my part, based from my childhood, our children are not so innocent anymore. I never had "The Talk" with my parents. Going to a private Catholic school in my elementary days I learned of women's monthly periods from boys (weird huh they knew more than I did). I was six and the boys in my class were talking about it like something dirty. I learned about reproduction when I was seven (from overhearing boys in my class... again). These were children reared by well off and middle class families - the sheltered ones, what then of the ones who grew up in poverty? think they were more innocent than my classmates? I also remember one of my high school teachers teaching us sex education and saying there's nothing wrong about it (the act or its education) when I was twelve. So I say, I believe high school juniors and seniors are ready for "The Talk".

I am against abortion. I am a Christian and I'm not ashamed to say that (as to what I know of the RH Bill) I am for it. As long as it does not legalize abortion and plainly legalizes use of contraception. I am not afraid to voice out my opinion. I advise young professionals to voice out theirs too. 

Comment if you want =).

Causes for Charity

Japan, the land of the rising sun, the samurai, sushi, chopsticks and anime. A country recently struck by disaster and calamities. A country that despite the chaos and turmoil choose to keep tact. A nation undivided by the devastation. A land and people we, Filipinos, deeply admire.

We were too eager to help. Events were held for their cause, pay cuts were offered and a whole lot of hands were raised to help. If summed up the money we collected for Japan and her people amount to millions. This is how much we care for them, how great we admire their courage and how much we hate our own.

Yes you read it right. There is no error. I'm not saying they don't need the help. If I could, I would be there helping clean up and reorganize. What I'm saying is we, the Philippines, need the help more than they do. The help that comes from ourselves. 

We look but don't see. Do you think the children in evacuation centers in Japan eat only once a day? Do you think the old people there have to ask for alms just to get by? How many out of school youth do they have? What about YOUR COUNTRYMEN? You think the child on the street ate anything this morning? Last night?

See we as a nation would flood the money and care out rather than take care of our own. Look into it and ask yourself DO YOU LOVE ANOTHER COUNTRY MORE THAN YOUR OWN? 

We just want to help. I get it, really I do. But are we really fit to help someone else? You can't save a drowning person if you can't swim.

The problem is we are too eager to jump ship - the Philippines. I'm no Navy woman but this I know: a battleship is not complete without her men. A battleship is a well oiled synchronized machine. A man out of post, a single mistake will either cause her to be an easy target for missiles or cause her to sink. A captain does whatever it takes to keep her afloat, he never jumps ship. Those who love and dedicate themselves to the success of the mission NEVER JUMP SHIP.

Nick

 For MJ...There are things you can never hear me say my friend. Tol, this is how I let you know I'm here for you...

To a young girl her father is a giant. A hero in every matter. At least to me mine was. I was and still am proud of my Dad. But the fast pace of life and the demanding demeanor of work required him to be away from me most of my childhood years. With this my grandfather stepped in.

My Lolo was dark and handsome. He wasn't tall but to me he was as big and sturdy as a tree. When I was a baby at night he would take me out of the confines of our home and show me off to the drinking men. He would boast of my beauty and wonder. Around 2 years old my mother got in an accident and had to stop my breast feeding abruptly. My grandfather was the one who desperately tried everything he can to calm me down and comfort me. He even played along with us and acted like he was our doll when he was tasked to look after me and my sisters. We used to play basketball in his yard. Often he would give me toys he found from nowhere I could imagine - balls, a top, even a dart board. He influenced me so much that I developed an early interest in cars and motor vehicles - just because he loved riding his bike. Most of the time we would just sit in front of the tv and watch snooker, poker, billiards, basketball, boxing, western and action films and even the x-games. I can still remember his petty little arguments with Lola on who left the faucet open or which piece of fish should I have. My sisters and I used to tease him to "kiss Lola" and he would always do. Prompting Lola to say "nauto ka naman." Going to school and passing their house I would see his shirtless silhouette on the roof with the dog just like tarzan. I give him a toothbrush every year on his birthday because it was the only way to get him to retire the old one. Even though he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's he never forgot the date of my birth, I often boasted of that.

That was my Lolo, ever so gentle and sweet. He taught me to be giving and helpful and to love people even though they're flawed. He was always proud of me regardless of my decisions and of what my grades said.

The disease slowly took him and his will. He became bed ridden and it was the hardest thing for me to see. The girl who was always around her grandparents' house was suddenly nowhere near the place. Of all his grandchildren I was the closest to him. His body was deteriorating but he still looked at me with eagerness and joy in his eyes. It was unbearable, I couldn't let him or anyone see me cry. He hated seeing me cry even as a child. He passed away on a Tuesday night. Upon hearing the news I was devastated and stared blankly at the floor for 10-15 minutes.

I didn't lose a father but I lost the one who harbored me for years. I may not know how hard it is on someone to lose a dad but I know how it feels to stand and watch someone you know close to a dad deteriorate and die.

My darkest days were the ones right after his death. I've gone cold and lost touch with the world. I had nothing and I was nothing.

Faith pulled me out of the dark. Faith and belief that there is something more to life. Faith that things will get better. Faith that I am not alone even if it appears to be. Faith that can move mountains or even emotions. Faith that tomorrow will be different. Faith - a beautiful thing to hold on to.


The father is considered the pillar of a home. If he dies the home he built should be able to withstand great gusts of wind and turmoil. My Lolo is most definitely missed. I still buy him a toothbrush every year on his birthday and I still play his gentle voice in my head time to time so that I would never forget but I know I still have more chapters in life.

Lo, Chapter! :D