If I could, I'd stay young forever. Run away and join the lost boys in Neverland, wherever that is, and hide. Hide from everything.
"Bagamasbad yan na yun? I expect more from you." "You're how old again? And you know all this?" "Kaya mong ituro yung subject ko eh." "Hindi ko kailangan ng maganda magsulat, kailangan ko yung magaling magsulat." "You were at the top the first half of the semester, what happened?" "Si Steph pa? Kaya nya yan, 1 man group cya eh." "Yung level mo, at least 1 level higher than what I expected." "Para kang yung boss namin. (*bow) I give you 5 years." "Ikaw kasi yung magaling kaya sayo pinagagawa yan." "Ikaw pa, eh ang lakas ng powers mo." "Advanced si Steph? Si Steph yan eh, typical behavior na nya yan."
People see me and they say I'm young. They hear about me and say I'm good. They hear me talk and say I'm smart. They see what I can do and say I'm exceptional. If you know where this post is leading you'll get that I'm not bragging. I'm flattered by all the praise. I'm happy that I can please people but sometimes it's too much of a burden.
I feel I have to do this, because if I don't I'll be left behind. My life is one big competition, one in which I always have to be at the top. I was trained to be the best, I owe it to my training. This is what people expect me to do. Somehow the world (my world) expects me to be great. I would be lying if I said I'm not pressured to make this decision. Some part of me refuses to decide. I just want to stand still and see where it takes me. But I can't and I won't make a decision on the basis that people expect me to be more.
I am an old soul. I always make rational decisions. I am sturdy and dependable. But I wish I can be carefree. I wish I can just play around, be young and merry. But I can't, Neverland does not exist - at least not for me.
