Monday, December 19, 2011

Invisible Silence

It's not that I'm dying to go. I'm dying to leave. I've always done what I want when I want to. I work, I toil, I fidget and give it my all until I get my way. My life, my decisions. I can't follow someone's route. I pave my own road. No soul could make me do anything I don't want to do. I am strong willed.

You will only be happy if you love what you do and the company that comes with it. My own words ringing in my ears. But I have to stay put. I feel like I'm in shackles, like someone clipped my wings. I have to take it all. I have to live without breathing. I lost my freedom.

Patience was always my weakest suit. I cannot wait, it hurts too much. I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath. I'm suffocating.

I'm not going to cry or throw my feet in the air in protest. Everyday would be a stretch but I'm accustomed to pain. I'll take breathers more often, do not deny me that. Everything I do, I must learn something. This time it will be patience. I will learn to wait in pain.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Democracy Going On Tribal

Executive, Legislative and Judiciary - the three branches of a democratic govenment. All a separate body but work as one to run a peaceful government. But despite this setup unrest in the government and corruption issues still occur often. The executive and judiciary branches will forever bat heads for in a democracy we have a right to question another's choice, belief and point of view.

You all know where I'm coming from or why I write this. The Philippine government is at a squabble. Men bicker at the top of the ladder. I pick no side, I defend no one. For all I see are grown men acting like children playing generals with their toy soldiers.

There is a reason why the supreme court justices are appointed not elected. The sad fact is people do not know who are qualified. Unlike the legislative branch where tv personalities and pr persons without prior knowledge of lawmaking can seat comfortably, the judicial seats need to be occupied by top ranking, experienced and impartial lawyers. I challenge all who deny these to name a few people worthy of the judicial seats.

Knowing this we cannot discredit a justice's judgement just because it favors the one who appointed him. I'm not saying Corona is innocent. No one is. What I'm saying is we cannot act like the red queen and yell Off with his head! just because we had a disagreement. We cannot elect people for the judicial seats. Please do not change that part of the constitution. I wouldn't want Erap as my Chief Justice! What's he going to do? Smile and blink? And yes, I do not agree with Corona's hasty impeachment. Any lawmaker who signs without reading is no lawmaker at all. They betrayed the public's trust by being ignorant. Ignorance is servitude - Jose Rizal's own words. No wonder we can't rise, we have men acting smart governing us. Was a gun held to their heads for them to sign? What kind of persuasion was used? I was around Erap's impeachment. I saw the trial go on. Chief Justice or President no impeachment happens overnight! We claim to be civilized for we are ruled by laws we wrote but all we did was tear it apart, spit on it and used it to wipe away the blood stains.

Civil wars were started like this. Let us not forget that. Wars are started by childish men playing god just because they didn't get what they want.

Only Corona and the justices know what goes on in their heads. They know what they did and why they did it. I cannot judge them with the actual facts, for all we have are circumstancial evidences. If they broke the law and the public's trust it is their burden to carry forever. But let it be known to them that the people will not stand for a partial government.

As for the president, I wanted you sir to grow a spine not dawn an armour! We do not call our allies and tell them to act on our accord just because you think you're right. Governing is not about popularity nor is it about getting even. To govern is to serve the people. Service beyond recognition - Duty, honor and selflessness.

My generation is young. We are yet to experience a stable government and we look forward to it. But this time you failed us. Do not make us lose enthusiasm. Do not cause us to blame ourselves and each other for placing our trust in all of you. Oh please do grow up.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Shortcomings of Stone

Your decisions will make you or break you, so as they say. For me, you must believe in every decision you make, believe that it is the right and only option, only then can you keep yourself at peace and sane.

To my acquaintances I am strong willed, dependable, driven, fearless, knowledgeable beyond my years and highly opinionated. To them I am the unpenetrable fort - stone.

Yet beyond the cement walls I'm not as tough as I look. I am weak. I act on my emotions. I cry and throw fits. I am female and I am young. No matter how hard I try to hide, these are the facts.

I am no stone. I will keep throwing my punches as hard, accurate and precise as I can but in the end of the day I am still human. I cannot do everything, nor do I know everything. Talking to me, you may get the notion that I have all the answers but I don't.

Stone has a breaking point. Submit something to so much and it will shatter. I reached that point, I will not deny that. I haven't been there for more than a year and as much as most of you are, no one's more dissapointed in me than I am.

I apologize for my actions and I hope you can forgive my immaturity. I may be young but I am grown enough to own up to my mistakes. But I will not apologize for my decisions. The path I take is my choice. The decision is mine and mine to take. I've made up my mind.

It was not an easy choice. You may not see me shed a tear but behind the walls I bleed.  If I could have it all, if I could do it all you know I would. 

I will always remember and I will forever be grateful. I am more than willing to keep the bonds of friendship. You are and will continue to be my mentors. And I strive to keep my mentors proud. 

This is my path. These are my shortcomings. This is me wishing I didn't let anyone down.